Well...this week has been a flood of emotions. From the highest of the high to the lowest of the low.
The week started off absolutely amazing because my dear, sweet, precious friends threw us a fabulous baby shower!!! Amie, Abbie, Bria, Britain, Jacki, Julie Pruitt, and Leah were all hostesses for our baby shower on Sunday. Everything was perfect. From the invitations, to the food, drinks, decorations, people that came, and all the love and support that we got from everyone. It was an absolute overwhelming feeling to be surrounded by so many people that blessed us with so many things for Seiden. There was not a single thing that I didn't like. I can't wait for her to wear all the clothes, shoes, hats, and headbands she got. I can't wait to read her the books that she received and I can't wait for her to play with all her toys. And I can't wait to use everything that will help make our lives so much easier when she comes. From a diaper pail, bobby, bumbo, video monitor, breast pump, diapers, wipes, etc...we are now officially ready for our precious little girl to arrive!!! It was such an amazing day. I had so much fun opening up every single present and seeing all the precious people there that came. I could never thank my precious friends enough for going above and beyond to throw us and Seiden such an absolutely perfect shower. I sure do love them more than I could ever express!!! We are truly blessed!
On Monday, I had another doctors appointment in Ft. Worth with Dr. Tabor. Cody had to work all weekend long, so he wasn't able to come in. Plus, the appointment was scheduled for 10:30 in the morning...and it would have been a long day of driving or even flying for him to make it in. So, my mom went with me! Cody was on the phone the whole time...I had him on speaker. So, he didn't miss anything. He just wasn't physically there. Before Dr. Tabor came in, the sonogram technician came in and did a very thorough sonogram. Which was awesome because we got to watch her for nearly 15 minutes! She was so, so active! The technician kept trying to get measurements of her head and Seiden kept wiggling around so much that she finally had to come back at the very end to get the measurement! Let me tell you...this girl has LONG legs!!! I guess that explains her big feet :-) But I can honestly say that she comes by it naturally. I'm only 5'3" and my legs are only about an inch shorter than Cody's...who is 6'1"! I have the shortest trousseau on the planet...so I'm just all legs...and I have a feeling she may be the same way after seeing her legs stuck straight out in the sonogram! She weighed 2 pounds and 4 ounces...so she had gained 4 ounces in just one week! Her heart rate was 155 and it was absolutely wonderful to see it...all 4 chambers of it...working perfectly. It is just such a sweet sound to hear that baby's heartbeat pumping so strongly inside of you! All her other organs were growing and developing just as they should with her growth and she couldn't be more healthy! The technician also stayed on her chest and tummy area for a little bit to make sure that she was swallowing and breathing normally. The scare with the cyst is that it could put pressure on her esophagus and windpipe and cause those two things to become difficult for her. But she was steadily swallowing and breathing...just like she should be. Then, the technician measured my amniotic fluid to be absolutely certain that the cyst on Seiden's neck wasn't causing her breathing and swallowing to become inhibited. It was perfect and measured just as it should be. All in all...everything about Seiden is perfect! She is growing, developing, breathing, and swallowing perfectly! After the technician left, we just had to wait on Dr. Tabor to come in and give us a run down on the growth (or non-growth) of the cyst.
I am not a very patient person...and I was getting really hungry and desperately had to pee! When there is a 2 pound 4 ounce baby pushing on your bladder...it starts to get bad after awhile! But, we waited on Dr. Tabor to come in for about 45 minutes. When he came in, he seemed very pleased with how wonderful everything looked. As far as everything besides this cyst goes...it couldn't be more perfect. He started to do a sonogram and I could tell by the look on his face and his tone of voice that he was suddenly not pleased with something. My heart started beating a mile a minute wondering what he had seen and what was about to come out of his mouth. The news that he told us, wasn't new news from the previous time we had seen him. But, it was just more confirmed that this wasn't going to be a "normal" delivery. He said things like, "I'm not as optimistic" and "This is more concerning" than it was 4 weeks ago. I could feel the lump in my throat starting to form and all I could think was, "hold it together Mel...just get through the rest of this appointment before you break down." I just have this mentality that I have to be strong and suck it up and just push through. Well...I made it through the rest of the appointment...but as soon as mom and I stopped in the restroom before we headed out of the building...I absolutely lost it. I think everything that I have been hearing since we found out about this cyst just sank in and hit me all at once. More than that, he said that he felt like the cyst had grown and there was also another little place where it looked like it could possibly put more pressure on her esophagus and windpipe. He also said that we were really looking at probably doing an exit C-section. Which is where I will be put completely under (Cody won't be able to be in the room), the will start the procedure, get her head out, then clamp my uterus, figure out if she needs a breathing tube or a tracheotomy, then finish the rest of the delivery. They want her to still be connected to me while they figure out if she needs help breathing based on the size of the cyst. That way, I am still supplying her with oxygen if she does have trouble breathing while the doctors are working on getting her assistance with breathing.
And then...the next part is probably what got to me the most. She could possibly be at Cook's for months while the cyst is treated. MONTHS!!! And the part that is the worst is that we have no idea how many months. However, they won't be doing surgery. Which is great...but the reason she could be there for so long. I can't remember what exactly what the fluid is that they will inject into the cyst. But, it basically causes the cyst to harden up and then be reabsorbed into her body. And, they won't let us go home with her until it is showing no signs of causing her breathing problems and is completely gone. I was absolutely heartbroken thinking about our tiny, sweet, precious baby girl spending the first months of her life in a hospital, hooked up to machines, and not at home. Even though she will be in the absolute best possible hospital with the best doctors worldwide...it was still a gut wrenching feeling. All anyone wants to do when they have a baby on the way is spend the standard 1-4 days in the hospital and take their baby home. I had been thinking about the holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's...all being at home with her and celebrating these joyous times as a brand new family. It was like those "plans" were just taken from me. All not a big deal in the scheme of things...but just one of the many things I thought about when I was thinking about what our future might be like. And of course...I broke down again when I was talking to my mom about the dogs. Seiden is our absolute priority and will be from now on. But, I couldn't help but be heartbroken at thinking what the dogs will think. I told my mom, "they'll think we abandoned and neglected them!" Of course...they wouldn't be alone. We have so many family and friends that would be here to love on them while we're gone. And my mom even said that she would bring them to us...even if she had to go and come in a day with them or stay in a pet friendly hotel over night. Precious, precious.
I went back and forth for the rest of the day with being ok and holding it together to just breaking down and sobbing on my mom's shoulder. After the appointment, we went to lunch, then to a couple of stores. We were in the middle of Macy's when I completely lost it. I had just talked to Cody and he told me he was in the process of coming home for the night. He knew I needed him there with me after the news from the doctor. After I got off the phone with him, I was just overcome with emotion. I was so thankful that I have a husband who knows me. He knows that I try to be strong and hold it together. When really, I just need to be hugged, and cry, and let it all out. He was also shaken up after hearing everything. Like I said, it wasn't new news when it came to the exit C-section or possible long hospital stay. It was just the news that these were more likely going to be the case for us and for Seiden...and that is the last thing we want for our daughter. We just want to have everything be prefect and go smoothly...and this is so beyond our control. But after I hung up with him and I found my mom, she could tell I was on the verge of tears, and she just hugged me in the middle of the store and I cried on her shoulder until the tears stopped. I lost it a couple more times on the way home when we would talk about everything, but by the time we got home I was better. And...when I got home...one of our precious friends, Abbie, had left us a sweet present on our doorstep. She had written us a sweet note full of kind and encouraging words, a pink bunny lovie for Seiden, and a bag of some of my favorite cookies. When I read the note she had written, it brought me to tears. It is such an overwhelming, wonderful feeling to be surrounded by so many precious friends. We are truly blessed by them each and everyday. When Cody got home, I was doing better. He wrapped me up in his arms and we just stood there with the dogs standing beside us for a long time. Then, we ran and got dinner, watched some TV, talked, looked at everything we had gotten at the shower, and went to bed. He got up on Tuesday morning to go back to Amarillo right after I had gotten back from working out. Even though he wasn't there for long, him being there meant more than I could ever put into words. As the day went on on Tuesday, I still had some up and down moments. I did a lot of research on Cooks NICU, looked into my insurance and what my policy was, and called my school to let them know that about the possibility of not coming back for longer than I had originally thought.
Most of the day was good. I cried a lot of happy tears when I was looking at all the information on Cooks NICU. I knew Cooks was amazing. But I had NO idea just how absolutely wonderful the people that work there are. Not only are the doctors and nurses the best in the world, but they are also wonderful people who truly care about you and your baby. You are not just another patient. They make you a priority and you are special to them and their team. It even says in there that they want the parents to be absolutely involved in every aspect of what's going on. They leave no stone unturned...and you know every tiny detail about what's going on. They also have single family rooms where parents stay when they are there for long periods of time. There's a couch that pulls out into a queen sized bed, lighting that you can adjust for you and baby, a full shower and bathroom, Wi-Fi, a breast pump, and the baby stays in there with you when they are well enough to come out of the NICU nursery. There's also a place where you can store food...it's basically a mini kitchen. It's for all families that are staying in those single rooms, but it's just nice to know that we can bring food from home and keep it up there. She will literally be in the best hands known to this world when it comes to her medical care and there will be a whole team of doctors and nurses there to make sure that every one of her needs is met and they have skipped no step in making sure that she is on the road to recovery. And as far as the insurance goes...I have FirstCare through school. And it is an amazing policy! Of course...if it cost an infinity amount of dollars...we would find a way to make it work. We would pay any amount of money to make sure she was taken care of and that cyst is gone. But, just knowing that our absolute maximum out of pocket amount is something that we will be able to afford was just an answer to our prayers. One of many answers I was soon to be finding out. And I talked to my school and even though it's going to be a little difficult on us all...they said that I need to do whatever I need to do and be gone for however long I need to until Seiden is home and that cyst is gone. Not only do I work with amazing people and have amazing administrators...but God was just starting the healing process for me with looking into those three things.
There was one point in time on Tuesday where I just let my mind start to wander and I totally opened the door for the enemy to come in and start telling me lies. I started worrying that there might be more wrong than just this cyst. I thought, "what if it's a genetic, trisomy, or chromosomal issue and we just haven't been told?" Tell me that's not the enemy sneaking in when I am most vulnerable and weak. I sure as heck know it wasn't from God. I was sitting on the couch whenever this happened and the dogs immediately came over to me to see what was wrong. Faith was nuzzled under my neck and Trigger was sitting in my lap with her head on my head and Sarge sitting on the floor looking very concerned. I really started to loose it and got up to put them outside because they were starting to get worked up too. After I put them outside, I went into our bedroom and literally fell to my hands and knees. The only thing that I could do was surrender this entire situation to God, which I hadn't done. I was still trying to be in control and make "plans." I jus started praying out loud. I prayed against the enemy coming into my mind and telling me these lies, I declared that I was giving this situation to Him, and I prayed in Jesus' name that He would heal Seiden while she was still in my womb. I cried and prayed down on my knees for a long time and I started to feel this sense of comfort and peace wash over me. My tears started drying up and I was able to stand up. When I did, I took a deep breath and I just knew that He had this. It was never mine to try to handle alone and once I fully surrendered Seiden and the cyst and this pregnancy to Him, I knew that He was in full control and His hands were all over all of us. I felt such a comfort and peace and I knew it was God telling me that Seiden was going to be fine and He would heal her. Even if that means that it's through these doctors that He's placed us in the hands of and given these talents and abilities too...He will heal her. I love that my amazing God is the King over this entire universe and He cares enough about me, Cody, and Seiden to take the time to come over us and give us comfort and peace in a situation that is scary and unknown. The thing is, is that with God's presence and His sense of peace and comfort, I'm not scared and I know that He's got this and will take care of Seiden and will heal her. Cody and I are both finding that this has become a greater blessing in more ways than we'll ever know. But, as of right now, our relationship is stronger, our prayer life is stronger, our individual and marital relationship with God is stronger, our family is becoming stronger and closer, our friends are surrounding us and loving us in ways that we could never have imagined, and we are growing in our faith and trust in God more and more everyday. We give all the glory to Him each and everyday and we couldn't be more thankful for how He's taken care of Seiden and continues to grow and develop her into the perfect little girl that she is.
After Tuesday, I felt more like myself and I continued to just feel a sense of peace and comfort from God. I had to go and do some lab work before my next appointment with Dr. Tadvick and after I did that, I went up to mom's office for a bit. We watched a video about Cooks NICU and I started crying happy tears knowing that if that's where we'll be...then I know for sure God has placed us right where we should be. She and I went and had lunch and then ran into Kid's Village to look around a bit, then I dropped her back off at her office, and came home. Early afternoon, I got a phone call from both Dr. Maberry and Dr. Tadvick. I absolutely know that God was telling them to call me. They were both calling to check on me and see if we had any questions about all that was going on. They had both just gotten Dr. Tabor's notes back and wanted to just talk about everything. Both of them said the same thing. That Seiden has absolutely nothing wrong with her and this cyst is just a fluke that will be healed. It will cause her no problems and once it's gone, it will be as if it never happened. She is growing and developing, her heart is perfect, and all her organs are functioning perfectly. They also both talked about the fact that if I can't deliver here, that Dr. Tabor is the best of the best. They told me that he is an expert in doing exit C-sections and he knows exactly what the best possible options will be to ensure that Seiden gets here smoothly. It was just so nice to talk to them both and to hear such good news from them about Seiden and to know that we couldn't be in better hands. Which...of course we couldn't be in better hands. God has placed us exactly where He wants us and in the hands of these, more than capable, doctors. It is all part of His plan and His will and they are all perfect. Seiden Grace...we are so very thankful for you. You are a blessing and a miracle sent to us from our amazing Heavenly Father. We cannot wait to meet you, love you, and care for you for the rest of your life. We love you so, so much!!!
And...one more thing. Faith turned 5 years old on August 6th!!! I can't believe that we have had our precious Faithy girl for 5 whole years. She is absolutely my baby and I love her so!!! I love all three of our babies...so so much! But, Faith holds a special place in my heart and always will. I know that when Seiden comes, she is going to be like another momma to her. She already loves this sweet baby so much! She lays her head on my tummy, and when I can't find her, I know she is in Seiden's room. Usually laying in front of her crib. I can't wait for them to meet! Faith gives the sweetest sugars, snuggles up to you when you are down or not feeling good in such a precious way, loves to go swimming, loves to go on runs, loves Starbuck's runs, loves to go see Mimi in Hamilton, she is very much a daddy's girl, and she is so very precious to me! Happy 5th Birthday precious Faith!!! We love you so much!!!
Seiden Grace at 27 Weeks:
You are the size of a head of a cauliflower!
You weigh 2.5 pounds and are 16 inches long!!!
You are having sweet, precious dreams because your brain wave activity has increased and could also be measured by your different sleep cycles, including rapid eye movement.
You are now blinking your beautiful little eyes!
You are also coughing, sucking, and breathing better and better as you grow.
Your lungs have almost reached the point of full maturity.
You are waking and sleeping at regular intervals...and mommy always knows when you are awake!
You are so very active and I LOVE feeling you wiggle, bump, stretch, and somersault inside me!
Your daddy loves feeling you move too and he just talks to you and loves on you all the time.
Your Bella also got to feel you move this week! She had her hand on mommy's tummy and you pushed right up on it and made her hand move! You are very strong!!!
You are growing more and more everyday and you are absolutely beautiful and perfect in everyday.
Mommy and Daddy love you so, so much Seiden Grace!!! We can't wait to meet you!!!
Only 13 More Weeks To Go!!!
